Stuff and junk from my world view that finds an outlet in written form. My own personal hell shared with you. For your infotainment. All activity is performed without adult supervision.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Common sense/ Non sense

It is common sense to avoid the things we hate.
It is common sense to rest when tired.

It may have been wrong for me to quit school, but, I have my reasons. When you see me let me explain and elaborate.

I thought that when I went back to school things would be different. I go everyday six times a week, at the given times, come home, do assignments, and not have to put up with the personal crap of teachers who want me to be the next them(eh? confusing?).

In the past four days I have felt more rested than I have ever been, ever since I went back to school on that damned January of 2001. I thought that I would be able to make a brand new start. I began this semester where I left off in high school instead.

I really liked the "Erap years"and the years before/ since 1994 . Nothing good happened, nothing bad happened, those years were very "eh"(hand palm down making wave motions). But cool.

I am rested but with nothing to do. Having fun reading an old e-mail I got when I first quit school. I was more relaxed then? She has a very good explanation of what a teacher is. I really need to talk to her, sometime. My, how we've grown.

Why is there so much paper work to be done when im just going for life/directional/properly adjusted young adult counseling? "Got a problem? Fill this form come back tomorrow, wait for someone, he'll sign the form, after you've had your parents sign the form, not a minor take the form to...Ah, fuck it, I'll come back tommorow."

Ah, the 'rents have finally given up trying to push theyre reality on me. What do they care? I don't believe they see any potential in me anyway. And, how much is a mass communications degree worth to fall back on?Why didn't they say go to UB and take HRM in the first place? Why was it that they told me that I can't really cook(Sidenote:It took a lot of practice since the time of the void to know what I know now, I sure shame them everytime I cook. I was watching cooking shows ever since Frugal Gourmet on FEN thank-you-very-much. Now when I watch cooking shows I hear the bigger asshole 'rent say, "salt ,pepper, soy,simple, ayos na, hindi na kailangan ng ibang nilalagay-lagay diyan, ano ka bumbay? At least Indians know what flavor is, you dumb fuck, that's why you will never hear this ouside the damn Philippines: "Lets go to the Filipino retaurant, I hear its a cornucopia of flavor!" )? By the way someone tell me who's reality is the reality we're living in anyway(more eh? confusing? try to imagine me talking while reading this.) In this country I conclude people don't ask questions. No one has ever bothered to think; " to each his/her own version of reality." I know, by the way, what is physically possible. But my reality is not the reality of everyone else who have a shared version of reality that they believe is the infallible incorruptible truth!
(People who talk to me at night would get what I mean. )

Afterthought: Why don't we have carpentry guilds in this fucking country? No wonder nobody has the title Master carpenter. So goes for metalworking. Why cant I find carpentry in the yellow pages? Why do people still never give respect to craftsmanship. One may not be good with books but one can be skilled with their hands. Why? Possible dialogue from idiots: "Panno siya naging chef? wala naman siyang HRM diploma." More possible idiot dialogue: "Master carpenter? hindi naman kailangan nang test ang mga carpentero?"
( This is why I write in English, it's more expressive.)


Friday, January 28, 2005

Cooking Metaphors

In the past week I was in a pickle, in a jam, in the soup, cooking in my own broth, stewing in my own juices, then, got out of the frying pan into the fire, fired, burned, and blackened to perfection (when im supposed to be lightly wamed to a delicious golden brown).

Due proces got me into boiling water (enough!) this past week. There is no such thing as justice.

This is how it happened:

So I sent a complaint about some ancient bitch vulture bull-dyke professor (just another title people give themselves to sound high and mighty. I learned nothing useful in her classes BTW) to the authorities (CHED, I should have realized that stuff like this does not work as smoothly in this fucking country). When they looked into it at school, some fucker at academic affairs decides to look at my record. Upon looking at my record they discover that I should have been reported to the police, aparently when I clocked some bastard I was no longer a minor and therefore my case was not to be handled by the school. student affairs had already given me a suspension before and I thought that was that. Now my record make me discredible to file any compalint (stupid fucking CHED) and my actions were grounds for expulsion. Great, just great.

My situation now is: Either put up with some bitch who won't allow me to take internship where I choose (hey, I thought all we had to do was choose where we want to work?). Drop my completely valid, justifiable, and righteous (huh?) complaint and martyr myself for the next 4 months. Or, take the coward's way out and quit(ah, to live and fight another day,but im through with fighting). So I quit.

I really wish I had brought a hammer to school on thursday morning. People should hear me do my narrative rant about this. Writing about it just seems lacking. It should be in all my full fury.

I know it's getting harder for some people to be/stay my friend right now, but just stick around, things will look up. I hope.Or crash and burn into a horrible wreck with you inside.

Anyway, what is with everyone giving me the "1 last semester" speech? Do people really see that much potential in me? I have heard this speech so many times, from so many people, and in so many versions (uh 5 actually, at last count) . Honestly, I have half-given up on myself. I had so much hope for the future, I'd be lucky now,I give up, well not really.

More anyway:
I don't want to sound sacreligious, but, if God has a plan for us why does'nt God just tell us so we don't waste so much time? I'm sure that Christ wasn't Christian, he wouldn't believe in his own hype. Christianity is a lifestyle not a religion.Or for this matter Buddha is not a god (or fat, damn Chinese, it is written that he is just a teacher).So therefore, I think, one can live by example in both ways. I'm still lost right now. Trying to find my way. So how does it work? does it go; body, mind, soul, or Mind, body, then, soul? Dalai Lama say: Do not lose hope for it is the only virtue we can not live without(or something like this , hey I just read this from the dustjacket of his book, more advice than what will ever come out of the Archbishop Dracula, hey, why do they wear those clothes, damn bloodsuckers). Ok there has been a misunderstanding. Many people have read the Da Vinci Code (it's fiction dammit!), now people associate Agnosticism with Aetheism, stupid fucks. I believe in a God, still haven't made peace though, will soon be, just trust me on this one. And it's not allah.

No really is that the Steve( we know and love, I thought that the rumours were true; Joe locks away Steve, tells everyone Steve went to college, Blue desparately tries to put clues together for the audience, but, since blue is the only "special" animal on the show, all the other animals seem to be able to talk, Joe is sure that nobody would ever see steve again, I think Blue can't talk cause Blue once guest starred in Dora the explorer, the episode where they went to Coccaine island, "bush,lake, coccaine island!"

So many commas, why am they not happen to me. Will go watch WOWOW shopping now, now, how do I get Udon de Sky, again?

Palanca award for blogging...hmmm?

Now if I was just able to see all this I should have save up. Wait I was in school in the past months, I couldn't have saved up. Oh well. I wish I could load the last save right now.

Jovic casts rebirth. Back to one HP. 0 gold. Experience in tact.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


One can not balance a proper calm life and school at the same time. One of these elements has got to be sacrificed. In my case the former takes a break. Why can't it be the latter?

The past week and days have been hell. I've been getting angrier and angrier with each day that passes. I need to get professional help.

...All I can say, I should have said ...Can't we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time...

Isn't The dark of the night great for talking? In the dark all that is hidden can come out. In the dark the world seems smaller. It's just you and the people you're with. At daytime thoughts and fears can't be shared so easily.

Getting older is a bitch. Why do the young believe that their lives would be better if they were older, if people saw them as being more mature? It's great to figure out youth while one is still young.

If other people see I/you ( I am talking to everyone else that feels the same way) as immature, fuck them. What do they know. What should I/you care. I bet they wish that they were as young and free as I/you. Now that they're old they're not as free from society's "rules".

...I wish I knew what I do now, when I was younger...

I feel so drained and disconnected to everything around me when I get out of the hovel door.

I've tried so hard to put my life together. Gathered every little piece. Now to figure out how everything gets put together. I stuck part A in slot B when it should have went in slot A.2, eh?

Ahhhh, my personal hells shared with others. I am at my best when I'm suffering.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

More drifting

I haven't been officialy (school don't count as "going out" I hate it sooo much!) out of the hovel for weeks. Methinks I have developed mild autism or schizophrenia. The crazy is all the same no matter what you call it. I have the crazy,period. Been contemplating life too much. So if everyone out there is crazy, and I'm the only sane person, that makes me crazy to them, right? So I say I may have mild autism cause I can't understand non verbal cues and "the language of the eyes." So Is my name what I call myself or is it who I am? It depends I view my personality as a chewed up "mentos", not hard outside, not soft inside, but mixed up hard and soft bits. Switch off JV(relaxed,easygoing,fun loving)then you get Jovic (stoic,hard,direct,tough: he's the guy everyone seems to remember, hey I should super-blonde so I look like a "charisma bad-guy")turn off Jovic you get Joseph(cynical,serious, strange). If it were just this easy to switch back and forth. Staying home too long causes one to lose coordination.

The world I grew up in is gone and dead.

Before I forget:

Me at the movies:
Kill Bill is incredibly stupid, same goes for all those 1against 1million kung fu oscar contenders. If I was one of those foot soldiers and I saw that my enemy could fly, I would give up immediately. What is with all those "robots want to take over the world" movies? What would the robots gain after they take over the world (Cashearn looks nice though)? Clooney and that black guy made Ocean's 12 suck.

My fight with TV:
Reality TV has been explained to me by the Simpsons: Producers don't have to pay actors or writers, making for cheap TV. I hate all these extreme (word I hate) challenges by the way. Iron chef is not reality TV, it is a contest of skill and wits! Did anybody watch the Asakusabashi show on Jet TV, circa 1997-1998, I believe thats where I first saw these guys, along with Tomitoku Shu, the guy supposed to be in that loser Kenichii's place What is with all these makeover (add this to the words I hate, include also "pasaway") shows? They are definitely not self-help, nobody has this much time for maintenance except the high maintenance(Queer eye seems ok, I'm not that pissed at the show except for I hate the blonde, he is definitely the faggiest) . The FHM girls next door are stupid. In a TV interview: Girl: "I think I cute", but, she not really, she dumb try to hard. Recommended viewing: more NHK international and lifestyle network I wish I had domestic US broadcast).

FHM has nothing manly,lumberjack manly, or geek manly. I believe it classifies as girly manly. It's like comparing James bond(FHM), to Jason Bourne(Maxim, manly and cool), to the guys in Ronin(Esquire,hard you do know that the covers are just bait, it's for 40 year olds who also read The Newyorker).Whrere can I get a Newyorker comics special? A series of unfortunate events is a good read, for the record my cousins read these books to my niece, smart choice. When will I see the movie? harry potter books would be good if I was 12. And, where the hell can I find Lord of the rings books that are not the movie related version, Where was Tom Bombadil (or, Tuma, Uruk hai are also known as Oloh hai)? Why is it a woman narrating the movie? We heard of this first whilst playing the Middle Earth card game since 1997, so no one take more credit about hearing this first unless you heard of it first, I am still the first to declare! FIRST!!!*Shaking fist*

Are geeks still persecuted? I have No idea what social classification I belong to so I choose this. Better than being a poser, or rockstar wannabe. What is with the tsunami aid? I hear about this everywhere. Those people in indonesia should not be helped, I remember that they were killing anyone who was not a sand-nigger wannabe just a year ago. Why dont people use the Putik Vocabulary yet?Ambangis, siga, total, makuleeet!

Radio makes me sad and vomity. Music as long as it's non-canadian, seriously whats there to be mad and angsty about in canada? And why do all their musicians names start with A, like, Alanis, Avril, Asimple plan, Abarenaked ladies, Asum41?
Give me the greatest band of my generation, The Pumpkins, give me more of that geek rock, give me some good emo!

Aaagh*breathing heavily*Got it off my head.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005


Things that I just had to write down before I forgot them. Going through another awkward phase.

Off the 'roids for good, so this is what a sugar crash feels like, again.

Internship will be a bitch. Now taking reference from sombody's style, here are some lyrics:

I'll be in the back and I don't need the help.
I'm good here in the back, I'm good by my self.
I'm busy taking stock of all the things that I forgot,
and making mental notes of just exactly where I lost the plot.

Applies to work, and life also!

I would like to talk about school less often.

Missed out on so many comic storylines: What was the Batman: Hush storyline, hell I missed the long haloween storyline too. What the hell is Marvel: Ultimates. Dammit I curse the loss of laser. "Kuya, anong bago?"I miss going through this routine.

I remember a time when stuff was cheap. I'm pissed that I have to pay for stuff.

I also remember a time when I used to wear pajamas all day. Good times, good times.

Bathtub needed. Also, a Bit-char-G , Porche 911, mini remote would be nice. Somebody get me one.

I still have no direction.

I like my command over language.

Episode 3: Shame of the force. I liked it when Star Wars was cool, I liked it when Vader was cool and not as whiny as Luke.

I should take notes of the goings on more often. I bet life is always amusing.

Correction: Sports drama, not like Friday Night Lights, lower the focus to the idiosyncracies of two ,let's say, badminton players(any obscure sport will do), much like the movie Ping Pong( any body seen this one. "You can fly."Man replies. "Yes I can fly!" Man jumps into a river.)

They Might Be Giants, since 1986? These guys must have invented alternative music.
More lyrics. Replace Dancer with Singer, you know who I mean. I still have this hang-ups. Hope he doesn't read this at the moment. If she is, yes I know my boundaries,we're just plutonic (funny word), but I still may have a hang-up.

I'm not much of a natural dancer.
But, I got a freind whos a natural dancer
You can call her...
Damn, damn good times.


Friday, January 07, 2005

The Curse of Time

Why is it so difficult to move on? What makes the past so special that we have to recall it? What have I been doing with my time?
Someone tell me what it means to be an adult?
I ask myself; Am I who I say I am? Or, Am I the way others percieve me. I'm a mess.
Lost. I need to be found myself.
I keep repeating myself.
Anger wastes time.


I feel so manic-depressive now that school starts in a week. I really hate school, and work possibly. I want to work in a mail room or something. In the back, sorting things that I forgot. Planning "prevenge"(he he). School has never taught me anything. I'm just there to get credentials. I remember the time of the educational void often, good times, good times. Peace was near. It was just hard to find work without credentials (now, repeating myself, reliving regrets, if I quit high school, if I took that apprenticeship in Star Cafe, if I had more patience to learn to swim., I'd be on a ship headed to Japan to challenge Chen Kenichi! BTW when one is dyslexic one keeps reding his name Chen Kiichen).

Why is it so hard to find stuff you really need and want (ah, my quest for a garlic press...and my kind of music...and good reads)? And why do bookstores (or people) charge money for information? Even if you look hard enough, you'll never find what you're looking for.

I should spend less time watching movies. I should go out more often. I tell myself. I open the door. Crap! Nothing for me. Forget this. Back on my ass.

Those kids at SLU-LES/Center are brainwashed every morning, I swear!

I notice things too much. It wastes valuable time and thought.

The Curse of Memory

Wouldn't it be nice if one could store memories and recall them at our own leisure?

Sometimes it would also be nice if we could forget everything and start over.

It would be nice if life came with a save, load, and reset button.

Finally got the title of some crazy show I watched (I swear, I have to get out more often), it was entitled; Waking Life. Beautiful, smart, trippy,crazy. Also someone, told me his interpretation of Lost in Translation,before he read the marquee; We all need to be found.

People, listen to They Might be Giants. Smart. Listen to "Memo to Human Resources"and "Prevenge." I dont have the full version of the latter though.

Everything this year will come late. Pain is the most prevalent theme of the year.

I feel a reset coming soon, RESET,RESET DAMMIT!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Onward, so far...

Finally had my lasagna last Saturday, still not hearing any new wave on the radio. Tradition is dead.

Quoting =W=:"...Shivering in the cold I'm bitter and alone".No female callers for me. Again quoting =W=: "... G-damn you half-Japanese girls do it to me every time". I read Noemi passed the physical therapists licensure, a couple of years ago, I regret my stupidity not to go further. Joi used to greet me during this season until 2000, I still don't know why I miss her, yes I miss her company and all, yes I really miss her (Jibee, my answer is C; "fuck what happened before", this is my final answer. Nobody could really get along with her easily though, so I hear) but... My stalker stopped calling... Pictures make me remember stuff ( BTW did anybody see th HP commercial with the people passing frames or something? Who did the music? Nice)... Whatever happened to Church girl, really? Alone.

...Does it frighten you at how the people change, does it make you happy you're so strange...

New year is dead to me. I still have the strange aftermath days though.

New random thoughts:

Glenn, I figured out the Jovic factor, I think. Notice that the chicks dig me(choke, choke) when I'm all complex (to me it's just being a mess), quiet and mysterious, like Clint Eastwood in The good(you), the bad (me) and the ugly (all the pangets). And they seem to not like me when I open my mouth ( you know, everybody gets hurt, I should shut up more this year).
Now I know the reason I'm so pissed, it's been staring me in the face; it's the 'roids! The 'roids! (also the reason for my strange(you know the area, higher dumbass,the hairy part, get it now?) physical condition
Who the fuck still keeps Charmed on TV.

Looking forward to getting some of that Plasma Blue Energy and riding my grasshopper themed motorbike! Panget breaker fist! Panget smasher kick!