Stuff and junk from my world view that finds an outlet in written form. My own personal hell shared with you. For your infotainment. All activity is performed without adult supervision.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Can I get a do-over?

2005 another dumb year. It reminds me so much of 1999 and 2000, the worst years of my life. My expectations shrank. My happiness shallowed. Everything I said has come to pass; Everything will come late. Everything will come unexpected.

Everything will happen when you are not ready. Past, time to move on, wish me more luck?

Anyway, the usual littany of Pardon me's (Acording to =W=:...So,Pardon me! pardon me! pardon me! my friend...) to everyone.

Except the ugly hordes of course!

The rundown. Was this all there was? Again, shallow joys.


At the beginning of the month I get thick framed glasses(glasses that scream "outcast" in every way, like Drew Carey's). In a month or two every poser seems to be wearing the same thing bought at double the price. I just got mine at the sidewalk. Expecting to see "The Life Aquatic". It does not even reach the movie houses. By the end of the month I quit school, learning nothing, very bitterly. Doing the right thing gets me into big trouble.


Turned 23 quietly, a week after quitting school. I hate this. Home dysfuntion. I get by with a little help from my friends(you know who you are, thanks) TV goes downhill, nothing to watch. No good movies either, maybe in June?


Everyone, I miss the times when we would just hang. These will be rare opportunities in the coming months. At the end of the month I try to get employed. Desperation. Employment is not for me. I'm afraid of losing my spine and selling out at the back of my mind, but what else have I got. Also around this time I think the Pope bit the hard one, just when I was about to be Cannonized as the Patron saint of the unemployed and unemployable. Also, I am not at the world expo...sigh...


Trying to get employed turns out to be a bitch. First time somebody calls me loner, I am shocked! Extroverted? Yes! Loner? Thats new. I think the kids are practicing for graduation by now. Delaying their inevitable dissapointmet? Damn right! By June I expect to be called for a job.


Waiting watching the clock its 4'o'clock. May went by just like that. Tried to get employed again, 3 times(you can never get experienced till you're hired...) . I think I was watching more Disney's Recess, which is ironic because I never really liked going to school since elementary. Star Wars(colon)Episode III(dash)the revenge of the sith feels rushed. I kind of spoilt it though cause I played the game before watching the movie. But it was still dumb to begin with anyway...


Nothing much. I Go watch Batman Begins, Greatest movie of the year, to me. It had better get Oscar kudos. I am flat broke I accidentaly get a memory stick this will miraculously get me through a few months month without a job.


Finally, oportunity Knocks! That is, If I can get to Cebu, for my exemplary results(above average IQ!) I get the chance to work in sunny, exotic, far, FAR away Cebu! Finally, Jimmy eat worlds Futures, been waiting for the release since last year. I sell the memory card for a modest amount. I think i also borrowed Weezer's Make Believe, sadly dissapointing. It seems like
it was rushed like everything I have seen/heard/done lately. I begin my writing project.


Re-complete My Smashing Pumpkins collection. Not that satisfying, had to get them in the worst possible condition. But what the hell, I was a great rush.Mixed emotions. Flat broke again. I will be dissapointed when next month comes.


The Eldest arrives! Broke? Damn! Time flies. No fun though. World expo ends, still not there.


I realize that employment for my circumstances is imposible. I Recieve encouragement (Thanks! yeah buddy!) from one of my most trusted comrades. Why not self employment? lets see how this goes...


Dissapointing, it flew by again.


A buddy leaves for far out of town. I meet someone who has offered to help out my situation, but as it always turns out all opportunities have trade-offs. I develop a new outlook to my situation: "Pimpin' aint easy!" December was short. Renewed interst in non-electronic gaming. I develop a new side to the ever changing personalities (I call him Joe, the bitter shut in). Learning to let go of things, but it should never be this quickly. Anyways I prepare a whole New year's eve course on my own (if I had a video camera I wouldn't need a damn resume, Why am I thinking of damn work so much? I'll proably figure it out in the next year.) My first New year's without parental supervision. I've had less and less to say. Small consolation, Im no longer flat-on-my-ass broke. Im hoping that the holidays would mean something again soon...

I hope this next year goes beter. At least now I'm prepared. Who knows? You know me always optimistic, like good ol' Charlie Brown.

A little Ben Folds Five for you;

...Go ahead you can laugh all you want But I got my philosophy...keeps my feet on the ground...


Friday, December 16, 2005

Pardon me

Lately, I've been letting what people say, about themselves and their "succeses" get to me. Pardon me, but, what should I care?

I am finally sure of my feelings.

I'm just bitter. And NO, Im not appologetic or saddened.

If you read my "about me" from THAT other site, yes those would be the exact words on my grave. The world, no matter how hard I try, wont give me a chance (unless I had the right papers, of course).

Anyways here's what triggered this entry. I read my horoscope heres what it said(NO, I dont believe in it, I use horoscopes for insight that I might have missed as I go through the motions of another day).

Knowing you, you're looking to the future in advance of everyone else, weighing your choices and reevaluating your plans. It's definitely big-picture stuff, but it's exactly the kind of thing you're best at. Right now, though, your view is curiously limited -- it could be your emotions are getting in the way, or the daily routine has you worn down. Activate your imagination -- there's a choice here you're not seeing, and it may be the right one.

Emotions indeed.

Also other goings on:
I should write a line of analects(maybe in my next blog, maybe).
The beehive by my window got bigger.
If you eat one pound of vegetables it's still one pound.
Sometimes I am akin to the man who buried his talents.
Maybe I should really write down my thoughts before blogging. Writing down spontaneous thoughts/ideas are hard. And they don't come out the way I thought them.
Somebody get me one of these for the holidays. my lost childhood.